I shit you not.

So says the New York Times. Once again, Jason Robert Brown takes the cake:

My dream revival is for everybody who works in the theater who reads the Internet message boards — and we all do — to pick one person, the biggest jerk on the entire site, the person who hates everything, who hates it before he sees it, and sees it and hates it, and writes 200 posts a day about how much he hates it, I want to take that guy and let him pick whatever show he wants. We’ll give him everything, all the money he wants. He’s going to cast it. He’s going to direct it. ... And we’re going to watch it. That’s my dream revival. Failing that, bring back “West Side Story.”

Mr. Brown: I'm sorry to say that I don't write 200 posts a day.
But barring that, I'd like a revival of Last Five Years starring Raul Esparza and Kerry Butler.

Hey Gary, you won a Tony in Producers and was nominated in Beauty and the Beast and "originated" Thernardier in the Les Mis "Revival"! What are you doing now?

Oh... you're going to be in Spamalot.

Oh... on tour.

My how the mighty have fallen.


In other news, some of this past Tuesday's conversation between me and Raul Esparza, an actor I'll go see in almost anything:

Me: How did you like how tomorrow's company airing came out?
Raul: It's a fantastic taping. Although I've only watched Act 1.
Me: Really?
Raul: I got it a year ago. It's been sitting in my house for a year. I watched Act 1 and couldn't watch Act 2, I got too emotional.
Me: What are you going to be in next?
Raul: I don't know.
Me: oh....
Raul: Well, I do know. But I can't tell you.

I'll tell you this about last time I met him: if you ever get to meet Raul Esparza, ask him how he made Act 2 of Sunday in the Park with George in DC make so much more sense than it did in the OBC. Because he'll talk to you about it passionately for 15 minutes.
And an hour after you walk away, you'll realize he never really gave you an answer.

Everybody knows how much I love to post the feedback of my adoring fans! Here's a script from someone who signs his e-mail as "Chucky", even though his name is "Dave Higgs" and not... I dunno... Charles. Before you read, here's a few warnings:

1. It's long. Like, longer than my Woman in White abridged. Might be better-written too.
   
2. It's badly formatted.
3. When you're reading something this badly-formatted via e-mail, like I had, it's not really clear that it's a "script".
   

Enjoy!

Gil

Hey, look at me. I'm a dick who has nothing better to do than re-write broadway scripts and make fun of them because I probably have no friends. Oh yah, I also don't have any knowledge about broadway, musicals, acting, or anything of that sort. In fact, the only knowledge I have is that I know how to incorrectly make fun of amazing masterpieces because I have nothing better to do.

Website Viewers

Who is this dick? I was looking for clips of the scripts of my favorite plays, and then this dumb site came up. This guy must have no life.

They all exit the site and join broadway to see what stupid thing Gil can come up with.

Gil

Wait, come back...Idena Menzel sucks...hahaha.

Nobody comes back.

I thought I'd write a script, too. I don't care that you don't like broadway shows, and I don't know what you have against them, but that doesn't matter. It doesn't bother me that you hate them. But, honestly, you don't know anything about it, and I can tell because of the things you say. Sure, maybe you've read the synopsis of them all, or you've seen them all, but you don't know what you're talking about. So, I know this e-mail isn't going to affect anything, and you will still write these lame, not funny, plays making of broadway, but just think about what you are saying before you write it. Like, I don't know anything about you, so to say that you have no life etc. may not be accurate, but I was just trying to get a point across. So, if you don't like broadway, don't watch it, don't read the scripts, etc. If you really hate it why don't you just find something better to do with your free time, and take time to be nice to people, if you can. It doesn't seem that you know how to be nice. Anyway, enjoy making scripts because I know this e-mail won't get to your heart, so, enjoy life.

God Bless

Signed,

Chuckie

Found this interesting:

At the Olivier Awards, the [Sunday in the Park with George Revival] won in five of the six categories in which it was nominated - including Outstanding Musical Production, Best Actor and Best Actress - only losing out on the Director trophy. (The show's competition included Wicked, Spamalot, Avenue Q, Evita, Porgy and Bess and The Sound of Music, all of which went away with nothing.)

1. Christine Baranski looks ugly as hell in this picture. But she was a fantastic Mrs. Lovett at the Kennedy Center, so I may actually go see the show she's going to be in this spring. Even if her "I'm Still Here" did suck in the Follies concert last year.

2. I just saw Sunday in the Park with George. May abridge it, may not. Perhaps this weekend. The point is, it's one of my favorite musicals despite it's flaws (them being: Act 2). So why did I enjoy Act 2 so much more than Act 1 last night?

3. The Scottish Play may be going to broadway. I hear it's as good as Magneto in Lear last year, which really was phenomenal. No opinions on this production yet; I'm seeing it end-of-month.

4. I'm also seeing In The Heights at the end of the month. So no real opinions of it yet, but I promised that anytime a "blogger's outreach" person attempts to use me as publicity, I'm happy to post what they e-mailed me.

[While making cuts and ridiculing it. Is that okay with you, Christina Sees from SpotCo?]

My additions in bold:

Hello bloggers!

In the Heights on Broadway is currently receiving rave reviews even though it hasn't been reviewed because it just opened, so maybe I mean "received rave reviews when it was off-Broadway"? Fans are loving In the Heights! Which what I really meant when I said "rave reviews" Basically, some kids at the stage door last night looked really excited. We'd like for you to share this video with all your readers: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bGoU1HBmNOQ We'd also like your readers to know that they may find this video weird and confusing if they have never seen the show. Sort of like watching the [title of show show] having never seen [title of show]

Here's where I, Christina Sees, simply do some cut and paste About In the Heights:
GET READY TO EXPERIENCE an exhilarating journey

In The Heights is your ticket into a world where
the coffee from the corner bodega is light and sweet, the windows are
always open, and the breeze carries the rhythm of three generations
of music. Kinda like Rent, but with more ethnicities!

Find out what it takes to make a living, what it costs to have a
dream, and what it means to be home...In The Heights.

Thanks!

And thank you Christina, for taking the time out of your day to consider bloggers an important facet so that I can then just ruin it for us all.

And I apparently decided it's worth a blog post.

Old lyric to Diva's Lament:

I am sick of my career
Always stuck in second gear
Up to here with frustration and with fears
I've no Grammy no rewards
I've no Tony Awards
I'm constantly replaced by Britney Spears
Britney Spears!

New lyric:

My love life is a mess
I've got constant PMS
My career is about as hot as ice
They hate me there backstage
They say I'm too old for my age
They're trying to replace me with Posh Spice
With Posh Spice!

It's a good change; the Britney Spears lyric always felt cheap. The Posh Spice lyric is funny because it's what you least expect and it could really happen!

The lyrics to this song never really hit 100% for me. It was hysterical when Sarah Ramirez did it. But when I saw her replacement's rendition, it was clear that it wasn't the song that made this funny. It was the look of anger and desperation on Ramirez' face.

Finally, after all these years...

a musical about welding!

And I thought Tuesdays never had anything to be excited about!

P.S. So Wedding Singer had Amy Spanger sprayed with water in a parody of the infamous chair dance sequence. Is this musical going to actually repeat the Chair Dance, but without the irony????

Shrek? Come on, it's not even Disney!

Taxi, the Musical!



Fianlly! Although I'm confused; is Harvey Fierstein playing the Danny DeVito role???