If you ever are stressed, you know what helps? Susan Sarandon.

At the end of Exit the King, Susan Sarandon tells Geoffrey Rush to relax his legs, and then his arms, and his shoulders, and his mind, and all the time the lights are getting dimmer and dimmer and more soothing.

Frankly, it's the best relaxation technique exercise I've ever experienced. If she made tapes, I'd totally bittorrent them.

Here's EXIT THE KING ABRIDGED. (And since I only posted it yesterday, here's still RENT ABRIDGED.)

Rent was on Broadway for 12 Years. For ~4 1/2 of those, I was running this site.

And I'm only posting Rent Abridged now.

So... minus one for timeliness.

...the most hilarious, apologetically ineffective New York Times review ever.

A MIDSUMMER NIGHTMARE

Gotta love how the reader review at the bottom of the page is a better review than this "official" one. If I were the Vortex Theater Company I'd be initially amused, and then annoyed.

But I'd deserve it, because NINE MINUTE HAUNTED HOUSE?

On behalf of the Independent Theater Blogger Association, which I am a member of along with these fine folks...


I'd like to congratulate this year's winners:

BEST BROADWAY PLAY

Reasons To Be Pretty

BEST BROADWAY MUSICAL

Billy Elliot

BEST BROADWAY REVIVAL OF A MUSICAL

Hair

BEST BROADWAY REVIVAL OF A PLAY

The Norman Conquests

BEST OFF-BROADWAY MUSICAL

Fela!

BEST OFF-BROADWAY PLAY

Ruined

BEST OFF-BROADWAY REVIVAL (PLAY OR MUSICAL)

Our Town

BEST OFF-OFF BROADWAY PLAY

Universal Robots

BEST OFF-OFF BROADWAY UNIQUE
THEATRICAL EXPERIENCE
Suspicious Package

CITATION FOR EXCELLENCE IN OFF-OFF BROADWAY THEATER
Flux Theatre Ensemble

Congrats again to this year's winners!

In Houston:

The dual-language production of Aladdin has been constructed so that Aladdin speaks only English, Princess Jasmine only Spanish, while Jafar will speak both languages, and Rajar the tiger and Abu the money will act as translators for the young lovers.

Yeah, so it's not a Broadway-bound one or anything. It's just ridiculous-bound.

Sorry for the long wait. I had to go back to re-learn a second language so I could work on...



And while I have your attention, why not have your theatrical group perform my musical, (rights now available at Sam French)?

HOW TO HANDLE THE VOITING PROCESS

ABC's Lauren Graham comedy pilot is believed to be dead, according to insiders. ABC execs remain fans of Graham -- but the pilot, about a talkshow host who must follow her own advice when her life falls apart, is said to have fallen flat in the screening room.

ABC must have seen her in Guys and Dolls and decided to leave her on Broadway so they never have to see her "act" again.

• Flava Flav to grace Broadway with musicalized Flava of Love

Check this out:

"Both Boardway powerhouses, the Netherlanders and Shownfelds are said to be interested and neither wants to let the other have a crack at what both acknowledge would be a goldmine."

I always find that it's best to trust a source that can't figure out how to spell "Broadway".

... is now on sale at Samuel French.



Edit: Forget that. It's on Amazon, children. And it's eligible for Amazon Prime.