About a year ago I was hired to write a treatment for a Disney Cruise Lines show. I had a great time doing it, and they liked my treatment but ultimately went with a Disney Villains themed show they were developing. I should have asked who was developing the Villains show!

Disney Creative Entertainment is joining up with the Broadway writing team of Hunter Bell and Jeff Bowen as well as Seattle based director Allison Narver, choreographer Karma Camp and musical director Ben Cohn for our newest high-seas spectacular onboard the luxurious Disney Magic.

Seeking the following roles:

HADES - Smart, funny, quick, imposing, Must be able to command audience and morph from talk show host, to lounge-y telethon host, to bad Lord of the Underworld with ease, wit, humor and style. Must be a natural at improv. Rock-tenor to a 'A'. Should have a solid mid- to low- sound to his voice and be comfortable singing down to a low 'G'.

PAIN/PANIC - Played by 2 actors. Great comic character actors with incredible timing. Goofy and sweet. Plays well with others. Tenors to a 'G#/A

DR. FACILIER/JAFAR - African-American, bass/baritone. Dr. Facilier is the new villain in the upcoming "The Princess and the Frog." 1920s New Orleans conjuror; both charming and sinister; a real showman. Jafar is pompous but dangerous and powerful. But in this show he reveals his softer side and sings "Wind Beneath My Wings" Tall and skinny. Smooth.. High range- 'E'. Boom-y, powerful sound - ideally with both legit and pop capabilities.

YZMA/ EVIL QUEEN - Angular smart funny surprising character woman. (Originally voiced by Eartha Kitt) Rubber faced and great physical comedienne who can sell a huge number. Strong pop sound- riffing a plus. Belt (or pop mix) to 'E'. Clear soprano, but it doesn't have to be her forte.

CAPTAIN HOOK/KRONK - Hook is a forced to be reckoned with and will have order on his ship. Kronk -Big, muscled, sweet, not the sharpest tool in the shed but you gotta love him. Yzma's loyal and confused sidekick. Tenor or bari-tenor to 'A'. Clean sound- good control over vibrato. Good pop sound, but also with legit ability. Low range- 'A'.

CRUELLA DE VIL/ MALEFICENT - Long thin gorgeous diva with a great bellowing laugh. Must be able to command the space with her body, long cigarette, and feel at home yelling "DARLING!" Good all-around singer- strong pop mix/belt to 'F'. Soprano to 'A' or 'B'. Clear low range to 'F

QUEEN OF HEARTS/ URSULA - Round, imposing, great physical comedienne. Flips from sweet to insane in an instant. Actress must not be afraid to be larger than life and take big physical and vocal risks. At total ease working the crowd. Fearless yet flirty. Strong belter to 'D'.

Cool.

But... there are so many Gaston jokes being missed out on...

Have you ever wished that Playbill.com worked less effectively on a netbook, while having even more of the utter overwhelming confusion of a mess that makes you love BroadwayWorld.com so much? YOUR WISHES HAVE COME TRUE!

...learning that he doesn't get to be a Tony Voter anymore.

Okay, fine, he does make one good point:

If anything, critics are among the voters least compromised by conflicts of interest, and most likely to vote objectively and fairly for the work they judge to be best. (The others are liable to have greater personal, professional and financial stakes in the outcome.)

And then destroys it by complaining that critics just aren't being taken seriously enough, dammit!

It also represents another regrettable step toward the marginalization of critics within the New York theatrical community... We can expect to see more such gestures of exclusion in the future, each chipping away, as intended, at the status of critics within the theater world.

Please! Don't forget that critics are important! They are! No really! Why are you laughing?!

doing a song about a failed stage actor who is forced to work...

Skipper Dan


...on the Jungle Cruise in Disneyland.

Did you know that...

• when you go to see Phantom of the Opera on a Tuesday Night in June, it's at 100% max capacity?
• the tourists audibly gasp when the Chandelier is revealed?
• the guy who does the "turn off your cellphones" speech nowadays really does sound like he's bored/tired/depressed?
• PHANTOM 2 is actually going to be premiering in just eight short months, and there's nothing you can do about it?
  

Just wanna get all our bases covered before riding BROADWAY: THE RIDE.

(Or "Phantom of the Opera Abridged", for those of you who are having trouble pulling down your lapbars...)

Thanks to Jennifer Jordan for co-writing.

A listing of how some people have Googled for my site last month:

• 17 people: Lea Michele Naked
• 8 people: Norm Lewis Gay
• 7 people: "Call Topol's Son"
• 6 people: How Tall is Idina Menzel?
• 6 people: Jonathan Groff Gay
• 5 people: Lea Michele Topless
• 5 people: Lea Michelle Naked
• 4 people: Jonathan Groff Naked
• 3 people: angela lansbury haven't aged in forty years
• 3 people: Eden Espinosa Pregnant
• 3 people: Lea Michele Nude Pictures
• 3 people: normal tits
• 3 people: the little mermaid broadway funny script
• 2 people: audra mcdonald nude
• 2 people: Ethan Hawke Drugs
• 2 people: how to pronounce Enjolras
• 2 people: idina menzel is tall
• 1 person: don't touch my tits broadway
• 1 person: asshole sex
• 1 person: come with me im sailing can't you see them
• 1 person: doogie assassin
• 1 person: greg jbara wife boobs
• 1 person: guy overly happy at 2009 tony awards
• 1 person: guy behind eustis hair tony awards
• 1 person: how did they cut off the arms in spamalot
• 1 person: i hate shakespeare

Come on Jonathan Groff, you've got to try a bit more if you want to compete with Lea Michele! Or even Lea Michelle!

And alas, there was the one poor soul who couldn't figure out a particular song title when he kept searching:

• "what ----- for love" -- chorus line song
• "what for love" a chorus line song
• "what for love" in a chorus line
• "what....for love" (a "chorus line" song
• "what...for love" (a chorus line song)
• chorus line song "what -----for love
• chorus line song "what for love"