Broadway Abridged

The Addams Family: Abridged

2010-08-30T04:09:02Z

You know what they say: you *can* take it with you.

Just please don't return it; we don't want any.

]]> THE ADDAMS FAMILY ABRIDGED OR LA CAGE AUX FALSE A "Broadway Abridged" Script By Gil Varod SCENE: THE LUNT-FONTANNE THEATRE, WHERE OVERBLOWN MUSICALS "THE LITTLE MERMAID" AND "BEAUTY AND THE BEAST" CROAKED. We are treated to an overture that sounds like Disney orchestrated a bastardized Addams Familyesque tune and had them focus-group tested by tourists. ORCHESTRA Dun dun dun dun. AUDIENCE Snap! Snap! ORCHESTRA Dun dun dun dun. AUDIENCE Snap! Snap! ORCHESTRA Dun dun dun dun. Dun dun dun dun. Dun dun dun dun. AUDIENCE Snap! Snap! NATHAN LANE Good, I hopp you've gutten that "tunefulness" thing out of yoor seestem. I'm Nathan Lane as "Nathan Lane as Gomez Addams", and-- BEBE NEUWIRTH Nathan! Nathan! NATHAN LANE Yis, what eez it honeeey? BEBE NEUWIRTH It's our Daught-- Is that really the accent you're going to use? NATHAN LANE Yiiiiisss. BEBE NEUWIRTH Fine then. It's our daughter Wednesday, what are we going to do? NATHAN LANE What's happent? BEBE NEUWIRTH She watched "The Birdcage" too many time, and wants to act out the plot! NATHAN LANE Baht the plot to that centerrrs arount looooove! BEBE NEUWIRTH Which isn't what an Addams Family musical should be about! Oy vey! NATHAN LANE Donttt say Oy Vey pleez. BEBE NEUWIRTH It's in the script for some reason. NATHAN LANE Ignore it, I doo. Pirhapps Wednesday's growing ahp and (stage whispers) sheee'll be Thurssssday before you knoh it! BEBE NEUWIRTH My that's a terrible joke. How did you actually milk that to be sort of funny? NATHAN LANE I whispered the punchline self-defeatingly. Yoo should tri it. WEDNESDAY ADDAMS A FEW YEARS TOO OLD (entering) Oh no these flowers are dead and they should be beautiful because I fell in love the way a normal person falls in love and not, say, in the weird demented way that Christina Ricci fell love in the films. NATHAN LANE Goh ahid. BEBE NEUWIRTH What's the matter? (whispered) You're happy. (to Nathan) How was that? NATHAN LANE Um... You have a nice cleavage? BEBE NEUWIRTH What does that mean? NATHAN LANE It means, what a sad, sad waste of Bebe Neuwirth. SCENE: ENTER HORTON THE ELEPHANT. KEVIN CHAMBERLIN I'm once-in-awhile-narrator Uncle Fester, and I can make a lightbulb light up in my mouth. (does so) AUDIENCE (applauds on cue) KEVIN CHAMBERLIN And for some reason I'm also really into the importance of love and Wednesday falling in love? Sounds like something the bookwriters threw me into at the last minute because the audience was having difficulty focusing on the plot. BOOKWRITERS MARSHALL BRICKMAN AND RICK ELICE We decided to put aside the television shows and movies and base the musical on the original comics! KEVIN CHAMBERLIN Whatever. The point is--get this excuse for a chorus--
until "LOVE IS SOLVED", this chorus of dead ghosts are doomed
to wander the earth singing Andrew Lippa songs. CHORUS OF DEAD GHOSTS Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Theeeyyyrreee nnnoootttt eeevvvveeeennnnn ddddarrrrkkkk iiiinnnnn ttttoooonnne!!!! DEAD GHOST DRESSED LIKE DON QUIXOTE TO REMIND YOU THAT MUSICALS CAN ACTUALLY GET BETTER THAN THIS What a sad, sad waste of Kevin Chamberlin!

CUE OBLIGATORY THRILLER
CHOREOGRAPHY AND WE'RE AT...
SCENE: KNOW THAT ONE FAMOUS STRIP WHERE WEDNESDAY IS TORTURING PUGSLEY ON A RACK? HAVEN'T YOU ALWAYS WANTED SOMEBODY TO PORTRAY THAT SCENE THROUGH *SONG*?!? CUBBY BERNSTEIN Go ahead, Wednesday, "pull" my limbs on these chains... WEDNESDAY ADDAMS A FEW YEARS TOO OLD ...while I stop the plot with a specialty song about how being in love is "pulling" me in a new direction! SONGWRITER ANDREW LIPPA (proudly) Ha! CUBBY BERNSTEIN Wouldn't it be funny if my limbs got pulled and stretched like silly putty? Ah well. WEDNESDAY ADDAMS A FEW YEARS TOO OLD (singing) MOTHER ALWAYS SAID BE KIND TO STRANGERS, BUT SHE DOESN'T KNOW-- Wait, Mother said to be kind to strangers? Morticia Addams said this? Of the Addams Family? BOOKWRITERS MARSHALL BRICKMAN AND RICK ELICE We decided to put aside the television shows and movies and-- WEDNESDAY ADDAMS A FEW YEARS TOO OLD Pretend that Morticia Addams is Donna Reed? BOOKWRITERS MARSHALL BRICKMAN AND RICK ELICE --base the musical on the original... uh...
Okay we admit it, we just didn't want to do the research of
watching the old TV series to find out what people actually
*like* about the Addams Family.
WEDNESDAY ADDAMS A FEW YEARS TOO OLD What a sad, sad waste of not-that-fat Cubby Bernstein. SCENE: NATHAN LANE AND BEBE NEUWIRTH SING A SONG CALLED "WHERE DID WE GO WRONG". BEBE NEUWIRTH (real lyrics) ARE WE GOOD PARENTS? NATHAN LANE (real lyrics) ARE WE CLICHE? BEBE NEUWIRTH WOULD THE ADDAMSES REALLY ASK QUESTIONS LIKE THIS? NATHAN LANE DIDN'T I ALREADY SING THIS SONG IN THE PRODUCERS? BEBE NEUWIRTH What a sad, sad waste of Musicans Local 802. SCENE: EVERYBODY PREPARES FOR WEDNESDAY ADDAMS' BOYFRIEND'S PARENTS TO ARRIVE. WEDNESDAY ADDAMS A FEW YEARS TOO OLD Please everybody, tonight, I just need the Addams Family to act like a normal, not-strange, not-too-unusual family. NATHAN LANE Thas eeee-zee. WEDNESDAY ADDAMS A FEW YEARS TOO OLD Huh? BEBE NEUWIRTH Because that's what we have been doing all night! (hands Wednesday the script) WEDNESDAY ADDAMS A FEW YEARS TOO OLD (scanning it over) What a sad, sad waste of trees. SCENE: WEDNESDAY'S BOYFRIEND'S FAMILY HAS ARRIVED... ...and they are being portrayed by the German Guy from Rock of Ages, Lucille from Parade, and the original Broadway Rum Tum Tugger! This couldn't *possibly* fail! CAROLEE CARMELLO The person I play likes to rhyme, It's my only characterization all the time. My poems are always all about love, Cause that's the theme we're forcing down your throat! ...of! NATHAN LANE Who wants to hear jokes about Jews from Florida? Couldn't... *possibly*... TERRENCE MANN (actual line from the musical) What is this, some kind of theme park? AUDIENCE (actual line from the brain) What is this, some kind of theme park? STODGY SCENE: THE WOMEN TALK. BEBE NEUWIRTH Wouldn't it be funny if my dark, depressing outlook on life scared the crap out of you? CAROLEE CARMELLO Yes! BEBE NEUWIRTH Well forget that. Who wants to hear jokes about healthcare? CAROLEE CARMELLO What a waste of jokes about healtchare. STODGY SCENE: THE MEN TALK. NATHAN LANE I liiik yoo. TERRENCE MANN Why? NATHAN LANE Beecuz yor Ohio Accent sounds teeeerrible. TERRENCE MANN So? NATHAN LANE Weeth my Spanish accent, ayy kehn relaytttt. TERRENCE MANN THAT ACCENT IS SPANISH? STODGY SCENE: THE KIDS TALK. WEDNESDAY ADDAMS A FEW YEARS TOO OLD Wouldn't it be funny if Wednesday Addams fell in love, and we got to see what strange, strange kind of relationship an Addams family teenager would have? GERMAN GUY FROM ROCK OF AGES Yes! WEDNESDAY ADDAMS A FEW YEARS TOO OLD I agree! Oh well. GERMAN GUY FROM ROCK OF AGES Wednesday, we need to tell your parents who just met me that we have decided to take up the timeworn cliche of running off and getting married without permission. WEDNESDAY ADDAMS A FEW YEARS TOO OLD No we can't yes we can no we can't yes we can no we can't. Yes we can. GERMAN GUY FROM ROCK OF AGES Glad you worked that out. Creating dramatic tension in musicals is HARD! CUBBY BERNSTEIN What will I do? (sings about this for a bit) JACKIE HOFFMAN Holy crap, how are you singing with your mouth closed? CUBBY BERNSTEIN I'm singing entirely out of my nose. JACKIE HOFFMAN WELL YES WE HEAR THAT. CUBBY BERNSTEIN Jackie Hoffman As Grandmama, I was wondering if you had a potion so my sister won't be in love with the Rock of Ages guy anymore. JACKIE HOFFMAN Yeah, but don't mix it up and accidentally give the potion to somebody else like in Hamlet. CUBBY BERNSTEIN (line written with an exclamation mark, but only acted with a period) I don't understand your references! JACKIE HOFFMAN Is it because you're texting all the time? CUBBY BERNSTEIN No, because I'm playing Pugsley Addams, and the references are incongruous to a musical like this. JACKIE HOFFMAN What a sad, sad waste of Jackie Hoffman. THAT'S ME. Does anybody mind if we skip to the end of the first act? Oh good. SCENE: DINNER. NATHAN LANE Andrew Lippa has a leftover tune he wrote from a musical about circuses, and somehow was permitted to shove it into an Addams Family musical. JACKIE HOFFMAN Wouldn't it be funny if the Addamses served strange foods at a dinner party that the Ohio-ans were creeped out by? CAROLEE CARMELLO Yes it would! JACKIE HOFFMAN Ah, dreams and wishes and dreams. BEBE NEUWIRTH So here's what happens now: we light the Shabbat candles, we say the blessing over the Challah, everybody drinks from a Shabbat wine goblet, then tells a secret. WEDNESDAY ADDAMS A FEW YEARS TOO OLD Let's not do this with guests here please? NATHAN LANE But it's a tradition. We as a family have done it every night at dinner forever. Over 10,000 times now. Me first... Uh... I have a weird bunion on my foot. Next! BEBE NEUWIRTH The other morning I used some eggs beyond their expir-- NATHAN LANE No you used that one *last* night. BEBE NEUWIRTH Oh right. Um... I forgot deodorant today? Next! JACKIE HOFFMAN I'm reusing some ad-libs leftover from Xanadu. Next! CUBBY BERNSTEIN I put some plot item into the beverage that Carolee Carmello drank and it didn't actually make a particularly notable difference in the plot. Next! WEDNESDAY ADDAMS A FEW YEARS TOO OLD I'm looking forward to the intermission because we get to go fifteen minutes without hearing Andrew Lippa songs. NATHAN LANE Oooh that's the best one. You win. SCENE: INTERMISSION. YOU Hah. That wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be! ACT TWO OF ADDAMS FAMILY You haven't met me yet. YOU So? ACT TWO OF ADDAMS FAMILY So how far along in the plot of La Cage are we right now? YOU We're a mere fifteen minutes away from the end of the plot of La Cage. ACT TWO OF ADDAMS FAMILY And how long do we have left in Addams Family? YOU About seventy, seventy-five min... ACT TWO OF ADDAMS FAMILY (grins) YOU Touche, Act Two. Touche. SCENE: BEBE NEUWERTH'S BIG 9:45 NUMBER. BEBE NEUWIRTH Wouldn't it be funny if I had a song to sing about the wonder and fantastic-ness that is death? SONGWRITER ANDREW LIPPA It would? BEBE NEUWIRTH If David Yazbek or William Finn wrote it it would.
Still, I don't want to sing the number about growing old that
I had in Chicago. Write me something new. SONGWRITER ANDREW LIPPA Here you go. BEBE NEUWIRTH (reading over sheet music) Wow. I'm impressed. SONGWRITER ANDREW LIPPA You like it, Ms. Neuwirth? BEBE NEUWIRTH Hah. No, I just can't believe that you wrote another song that has different lyrics, different notes, and yet is exactly as crappy and forgettable and unfunny as the one we removed. Not even Nathan Lane could save it. SONGWRITER ANDREW LIPPA But... they say I'm the next Stephen Sondheim. BEBE NEUWIRTH Let's settle this once and for all, Andrew. Who is this "they"? SONGWRITER ANDREW LIPPA ...people fifteen years ago? BEBE NEUWIRTH Yeah, that's right. SONGWRITER ANDREW LIPPA Um... what a sad, sad waste of Andrew Lippa..........? BEBE NEUWIRTH No. No Andrew. SONGWRITER ANDREW LIPPA (sulks) BEBE NEUWIRTH WILL NO ONE IN THIS SHOW GIVE ME SOMETHING TO DO? SCENE: FESTER SINGS ABOUT BEING IN LOVE WITH THE MOON. Fucking A, where the hell did this idea come from? Oh. This. SCENE: THE ADDAMS FAMILY LIVES IN CENTRAL PARK?
WEDNESDAY ADDAMS A FEW YEARS TOO OLD I'm leaving, Daddy. NATHAN LANE What? WEDNESDAY ADDAMS A FEW YEARS TOO OLD I love the German Guy from Rock of Ages, and I can't figure out if he and I are NYU and/or Columbia students or what. But we're running away, either together or apart or something. NATHAN LANE OH RIGHT THAT WAS THE MAIN PLOTLINE! I totally forgot! The boy now enters, for plot convenience reasons. They sing rejected melodies from Wicked. GERMAN GUY FROM ROCK OF AGES Wednesday, how can I prove to you that I love you enough to run away with you without actually running away? WEDNESDAY ADDAMS A FEW YEARS TOO OLD Let me shoot an apple off of your head with a crossbow? GERMAN GUY FROM ROCK OF AGES Really? Will that actually tie up whatever's left of this "loose plotline"? WEDNESDAY ADDAMS A FEW YEARS TOO OLD Yes. Somehow, yes. GERMAN GUY FROM ROCK OF AGES What a sad, sad waste of prop apples. SCENE: HAVE WE MENTIONED THE SAD WASTE OF NATHAN LANE YET? BY THE WAY WHERE IS HIS ONE-MAN SHOW ALREADY? NATHAN LANE Bebe Neuwirth, would a tango cheer you up? BEBE NEUWIRTH No. Only one thing would cheer me up. NATHAN LANE I can't invent a time machine to go back and unsign our Addams Family The Musical contracts. BEBE NEUWIRTH (sighs loudly) Then it is hopeless. SCENE: NATHAN LANE, JACKIE HOFFMAN, AND KEVIN CHAMBERLIN NOW HAVE TO SING A SONG ABOUT LOVE, IN AN ADDAMS FAMILY MUSICAL THAT YOU HAVE TO WATCH. JACKIE HOFFMAN (making more damn pop-culture references
instead of, oh maybe ADDAMS FAMILY JOKES?)
Did you know that in 1969 at Woodstock, I gave John Lennon the idea for "All You Need Is Love"? NATHAN LANE I have a copy of the Wikipedia article right here and it says the song was broadcast in June of 1967. JACKIE HOFFMAN Oh... uh... look, it's the original Broadway Javert singing a song about squid rape that somehow managed to not be funny! (runs off) SCENE: THE ENDING. CAROLEE CARMELLO Ah, now we're in love more somehow! TERRENCE MANN Because of me being raped by a squid! Obviously that's the reason! BEBE NEUWIRTH (massaging Nathan Lane's back) Also we are in love. NATHAN LANE Thank you, Bebe. Shows can be heavy! WEDNESDAY ADDAMS A FEW YEARS TOO OLD Also we're in love. GERMAN GUY FROM ROCK OF AGES Yep. In love. WEDNESDAY ADDAMS A FEW YEARS TOO OLD Yep.... Boring, boring silence. NATHAN LANE That reminds me. Has anybody heard of the term "Silent Bob moment"? WEDNESDAY ADDAMS A FEW YEARS TOO OLD What's that? NATHAN LANE It's where the character who doesn't speak finally speaks at the end of the dramatic work, and his line is funny. Wanna try that, Lurch? LURCH (sings lines in a key too low for lyrics to be understood or laughed at) NATHAN LANE Well, I guess we can actually learn something from Young Frankenstein The Musical! BEBE NEUWIRTH What a sad waste of Zachary James. WEDNESDAY ADDAMS A FEW YEARS TOO OLD ...? BEBE NEUWIRTH He plays Lurch. WEDNESDAY ADDAMS A FEW YEARS TOO OLD Got it. NATHAN LANE Also a sad waste of a Silent Bob moment! GHOSTS Fester, can we go back to our graves now? KEVIN CHAMBERLIN Oh right, you guys. Why did we hire a chorus? GHOSTS (shrug) NATHAN LANE Fester are you going to close the show? KEVIN CHAMBERLIN Right right right, I'm the narrator. And so, everybody lived unhappily ever after. TERRENCE MANN Because it's an Addams Family musical? KEVIN CHAMBERLIN No, because now that this happened, the rights to write an Addams Family Musical will never become available. ENTIRE CAST (singing) WHICH MEANS NOBODY WILL EVER WRITE A GOOD ADDAMS FAMILY MUSICAL EVER! Screech. NATHAN LANE My god, what was that sound? SONGWRITER ANDREW LIPPA Sorry. Must've been a song I wrote. BLACKOUT.

FRINGENYC: Roundup

2010-08-29T14:16:17Z

And so ends my FringeNYC 2010 coverage. I can't say that seeing 6 FringeNYC shows this year was "exhilirating" given that, for example, fellow blogger Aaron Riccio of That Sounds Cool saw 27 shows. But I enjoyed the random smattering of shows that I saw, and I found that my method of allowing three friends to each pick two shows actually yielded better results than me picking on my own. Either than, or FringeNYC has simply gotten better in recent years. In either case it's been fun, and I'd like to thank Linda Buchwald, Adam Rothenberg, Byrne Harrison, Aaron Riccio, Wendy Caster, Sasha Pensanti, Jimmy Moon, and Jon Sobel, as well as Show Showdown where we've all cross-posted our reviews. Between us all we seem to have seen almost half of FringeNYC's fare this year, which isn't a bad start for year 1!

Year 2 of the ITBA Fringe bloggers reviews is going to need a catchy name, however. Damn Time Out and Their FringeBinge name. They don't leave much left, do they.

FRINGENYC: Invader? I Hardly Know Her

2010-08-26T17:29:50Z

                                  SEXY COWGIRL
            Freeze!


                                  ALIEN GIRL
            Oh no you caught m-- 
            Wait, what does a sexy cowgirl have to do with a
            science fiction musical?


                                  SEXY COWGIRL
            It's sci-fi.


                                  ALIEN GIRL
            So?


                                  SEXY COWGIRL
            So what do you think was the gender of the guy who 
            wrote it?

                                  ALIEN GIRL
            Ah.

It is very hard not to have a good time "Invader? I Hardly Know Her". And trust me, I tried: for the first ten minutes of this musical I was skeptical, but by halfway through act 1 I had hit the point where I couldn't *not* enjoy myself. The premise: a man finds out--on his wedding day--that his wife is actually an alien who has been sent to find the crack into a fifth dimension via his toilet. He, the alien wife, a couple of robots, and some sexy crime-fighting clones must pool their resources before an evil demon from another dimension posesses them all.

It's all very silly but self-mocking, and the lyrics by Jason Powell (who also plays the groom) were smart, witty, and often downright hysterical, which is something I feel we don't see enough emphasis on nowadays. I was surprised to find one of the most ingenious bits to be "Fetish Fighters", four crime fighters cloned to look like a sexy cowgirl, a sexy French Maid, a sexy Native American, and a sexy schoolgirl (the latter played by very funny standout Jessica Carollo). Also a standout is Alison Scarmella as a secret agent who has been tracking the alien bride, but the entire cast is great.

The only real criticism I would give to Powell (who also wrote book and music) in future versions is to give a stronger sense of focus to the main we're-trying-to-find-the-evil-fifth-dimension-being story, perhaps checking back in with that overarching plotline more often as we lose sense of it in all the fun we're having. Still, if you're looking for a good time, a light comedy, and some brilliant lyrics (and if you haven't been having good luck in your FRINGENYC picks so far), do catch Invader's final performance this Saturday.

http://www.fringenyc.org/basic_page.php?ltr=I

www.invaderihardlyknowher.com

VENUE #16: The SoHo Playhouse

Sat 14 @ 10 Tue 17 @ 3 Fri 20 @ 9 Wed 25 @ 5:15 Sat 28 @ 12

FRINGENYC: Ground to Cloud

2010-08-24T17:46:11Z

                                  MAN SHADOW
            I wish I could figure out how to shadow light 
            this shadow lightbulb.


                                  WOMAN SHADOW
            I have a socket shadow.


                                  MAN SHADOW
            Can I shadow screw into it with my shadow 
            lightbulb?


                                  WOMAN SHADOW
            Shadow yes!


                                  MAN SHADOW
            Heh.  Heh heh heh heh heh...
            The shadow lightbulb represents my shadow--

                                  WOMAN SHADOW
            I KNOW WHAT IT REPRESENTS.
            SHADOW.

God damned Android phone froze lost my first review...

Reviewing an abstract performance piece like Ground to Cloud isn't simple, as works like these seem to center as much on what you bring into the space as what you find onstage. On a surface level I enjoyed it very much, but on a deeper rung it seems to be missing something in its narrative.

Ground to Cloud is a shadow show, relying on monochomatic outlines created by actors and inanimate objects moving in front of strong diffused spotlights shining on a giant white sheet. The audience sees a collection of beautiful images that convey a man looking for a power source for his lightbulb, the interaction between a woman and dreamlike giants, and other visuals set to the sounds of a played saw (which I unfortunately could see much better than I could hear) and various sound effects. In me the early images evoked perfectly the all-too-real feeling of a blackout on the night of a storm, trying to blindly find your way towards any source of comforting light.

The execution was fantastic, particularly halfway through the piece where the audience members were instructed to put on red and blue glasses for 5 minutes. Let's talk about that: Using a simple and yet ridiculously effective setup--a red spotlight and blue spotlight placed right next to each other--shadow images were projected from slightly-left and slightly-right angles in order to convey a 3D shadow image. The shadows created closer to the red and blue spotlights had a greater variation in angles, causing them to seem to pop out at you more than those shadows created further from the red and blue spotlights. Amazing and beat the pants off of "Clash Of The Titans The Super $6.00 More 3D Experience", or so I'd presume.

My only complaint was the fuzzy story that was being conveyed; there was something in the beginning about the man searching for a power source for his lightbulb, and something at the end about the woman providing a socket to, uh, screw it into. But in the middle there was a bit about flying a kite that gets struck with electricity and a woman who is being chased by giant monsters that she's suddenly bigger than, and a mother figure that she keeps encountering. I could (and did) draw my own conclusions piece by piece but overall it was a bit muddled. At 30 minutes it's not a problem, but I wanted the play to be the 45 minutes the program promised or even longer (I don't blame them for the mismatch in timing; trying to lock in Fringe's running time and allowing buffer before you've even cast is a challenge). If they do expand Ground to Cloud--and I hope they do--I'd love to see it clarified and lengthened.

Ground To Cloud
http://www.fringenyc.org/basic_page.php?ltr=G
http://www.cimimarie.com/
VENUE #13: The New School for Drama Theatre
Thu 19 @ 7:30 Fri 20 @ 6 Sun 22 @ 4 Mon 23 @ 5:45 Thu 26 @ 8:30

FRINGENYC: Terms of Dismemberment

2010-08-24T13:19:24Z

                                  WACKY CAST MEMBER 1
            Let's sing about gun nuts, wont that be funny?


                                  WACKY CAST MEMBER 2
            Let's sing about drinking pee, that should be hysterical 
            right?


                                  WACKY CAST MEMBER 3
            Hey everyone, you should join me in a song about selling 
            a 14 year old's ovaries, that'd be CCCRRRRRAAAZZZZYYYY!


                                  ANY PEOPLE IN AUDIENCE
                                  WHO ARE ACTUALLY LAUGHING
            Ha ha, my friends in this show are so hysterical.  
            Especially when they gave me free pot before the show 
            began.

Look, I love shock humor. I think making fun of redneck gun control is great. And I'm a big fan of breaking the fourth wall as much as possible. So why is it that I couldn't possibly recommend Terms of Dismemberment to anybody unless they came in already high? Perhaps it is because this musical feels like it was written in a single three hour marijuana-induced session, and nobody ever went back while sober to see if what they wrote was any good, never mind funny.

The plot, which confused the hell out of me, is something like this: a mother-of-two's husband recently died of something involving a card game, and she won't bury him for some reason, and has no way to make money to afford electricity or her daughter's yodeling and/or line dancing lessons. She gets a waitress job and there meets a guy who she might have some romantic relation with. He suggests making money through webinars (which for some reason in this musical means being an in person one-on-one positive reinforcement counselor). Also she moves in with her dead husband's brother who Believes In Guns, and she might have some romantic relation with him. And sells her daughters' hair and ovaries.

I'm sure the writers had good intentions of creating the Next Hilarious Quirky Edgy Musical. But the characters endlessly waffled motivations and desires from one scene to the next, and you could see the pointless songs straining to be funny. One lyric in particular lazily joked that there wasn't a third rhyme that they could find for the word "cuts", which, well, isn't true. It came across as if every time a cast member made other cast members laugh in rehearsal they put it into the show (an actor suddenly walks out onstage out of character and says "that's irony!" during one uneventful moment) and the result is a sloppy, directionless musical no matter how much tireless sweat the cast pours in.

I commend the team to keep writing musicals; one particularly hilarious number with singing and dancing ovaries shows the sort of comedy they were attempting for throughout the show. Hopefully they'll find a future stable project to rest their ideas and ambition onto. Terms of Dismemberment, unfortunately, is not it.

Terms of Dismemberment: A Musical with Heart...and Other Body Parts
http://www.fringenyc.org/basic_page.php?ltr=T
http://www.termsofdismemberment.com/
VENUE #12: Lucille Lortel Theatre
Wed 18 @ 4:30 Thu 19 @ 2 Mon 23 @ 8:45 Fri 27 @ 7 Sat 28 @ 2:30

Promises, Promises: Abridged

2010-08-23T13:47:00Z

While everybody was off watching the live production of South Pacific last Wednesday night, I Tivo'd it and went to see Sean Hayes and Kristin Chenoweth in what was apparently a musical that was revived for the following excellent reasons:

1) Mad Men is popular.

So.
]]> PROMISES, PROMISES ABRIDGED OR BORING PEOPLE DOING BORING THINGS THE MUSICAL A "Broadway Abridged" Script By Gil Varod SCENE: UNNECESSARY DANCING DURING OVERTURE. SEAN HAYES Hi, I'm Sean Hayes, from Will and Grace. Go ahead, say it. Argue it. Disagree about whether or not I'm convincing at acting a straight character. Continue to debate how straight I am, because it successfully pulls attention away from whether or not I'm doing a decent job acting this role and-- (pauses, looks up from desk confused) Sorry, did the overture just segue into "Say a Little Prayer"? UNSEEN OFFSTAGE FEMALE CHORUS (harmonizes for the first of ~40 times this play) SEAN HAYES No matter. Let me explain. I'm playing a character who is constantly "looked over". I'm not playing it nebbishy, or making use of many humorous quirks or bits or characterizations, like you would think I'm capable of doing because, well, I *am* Sean Hayes. No, you'll find it out because people will say it about me, and I'll say it about me, and that's what makes Quality Theatre. FOUR EXECUTIVE MEN WHERE SEAN HAYES WORKS Sean Hayes, we would like to borrow your apartment now and then so we can fuck women who aren't our wives back home. SEAN HAYES Ah, musical comedy! Twenty minutes of this. THAT HILARIOUS SCENE FROM SOURCE FILM "THE APARTMENT" WHERE HE HAS TO RESCHEDULE HIS ENTIRE SOCIAL CALENDAR TO FIT IN ALL THE APPOINTMENTS PEOPLE HAVE MADE TO USE HIS APARTMENT (doesn't exist in the musical) THE BOSS Sean, I'd also like to borrow your apartment. Also for fucking. SEAN HAYES HILARIOUS! THE BOSS Let's sing about this being our little secret. SEAN HAYES AND THE BOSS (singing) OUR LITTLE SECRET OUR LITTLE SECRET THIS WILL BE OUR LITTLE SECRET OUR LITTLE SECRET IS WHAT THIS WILL BE THIS WILL BE OUR LITTLE SECRET THIS WILL BE OUR LITTLE THIS WILL BE THIS WILL THIS SECRET THIS SECRET BE OUR WILL SECRET SECRET SECRET SECRET SECRET SECRET SECRET SECRET SECRET SECRET SECRET SECRET SECRET SECRET SECRET SECRET SECRET AUDIENCE'S EYES (glaze over) THE PLOT Wake me if I need to move. SCENE: HALFWAY THROUGH ACT 1... ...which is exactly the point in the show when you want your ROMANTIC FEMALE LEAD to enter. KRISTIN CHENOWETH Hi everybody, I'm Kristin Chenoweth. AUDIENCE We know you! From every Broadway show ever, where you were fantastic in every role you ever played, particularly the comedic roles! What do you play in this one? KRISTIN CHENOWETH I play a poor, beautiful and fragile girl who is sympathetic for her fragileness regardless of the fact that she's making stupid decisions. You know, the kind of girl who would have sang "I'm Still Hurting" if Jason Robert Brown had written this musical. My character is incredibly young, very very impressionable, and intensely vulnerable to be able to fall for the crap that my character falls for while still being relateable. Just like any 19 year old girl. AUDIENCE Uh... same Kristin Chenoweth? As in, modern day Kristin Chenoweth, not one that time travelled here from fifteen years ago? KRISTIN CHENOWETH Now to sing a song that's not originally from this show, I'm going to blatantly switch my voice to suddenly sound like it's also not from this show. (singing) I SAY A LITTLE PRAYER FOR YOU FOREVER, AND EVER, THIS SONG SEEMS OUT OF CONTEXT AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER, AND EVER, BUT NOT MORE THAN MOST OTHER SONGS IN THIS SHOW AND I LOVE YOU SEAN HAYES Oh Kristin Chenoweth, I'm a dork and a loser and everything else that falls under nerdy characters. Or so at least I and everybody else keep saying, instead of me having to "act" it. Or even being the type to always carry around a thermometer and nose spray (like JACK LEMMON in the film, who could have used the props less than I). So, obviously it goes to reason that I LOVE BASKETBALL. KRISTIN CHENOWETH I also love basketball! SEAN HAYES Do you also like to sing songs where 75% of the lyrics are just "I love basketball" and "She loves basketball"? KRISTIN CHENOWETH Um. No. SEAN HAYES (sung in shaky, shaky vibrato) WELL I DO! This happens. It is an actual song in an actual show. Making up such a thing would be a cruel, horrible trick. DIRECTOR/CHOREOGRAPHER ROB ASHFORD Male chorus, now's where you sing and dance in suits! Although creating a basketball-playing dream fantasy in basketball *uniforms* might actually be fun, WE ARE NOT DOING IT BECAUSE THERE ARE NO BASKETBALL UNIFORMS IN MAD MEN, AND THAT WAS OUR ONLY DRAMATURGICAL RESEARCH. SCENE: SEAN HAYES WAITS. SEAN HAYES Here I am, waiting outside what looks like a very modern looking Madison Square Garden set regardless of the line of dialogue about the new one not being built yet. I wonder what's going on in a Chinese restaurant on the other side of a stage. SCENE: A CHINESE RESTAURANT ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STAGE. THE BOSS Come on, Kristin Chenoweth, even though I keep telling you that I'm going to leave my wife for you, and not coming through on that promise, I want to fuck you in Sean Hayes's apartment right now. KRISTIN CHENOWETH Well, even though I just sang a jubilant song about how much I'm deeply deeply in love with you, I'm going to act very very blase and indifferent to you. DIRECTOR/CHOREOGRAPHER ROB ASHFORD And boring! KRISTIN CHENOWETH And... (sigh) And boring. THE BOSS (to Ashford) Wow, you actually made Kristin Chenoweth suck. That takes a certain kind of talent. SCENE: THE BOSS'S OFFICE. THE BOSS (singing) WHY DO I WANT THE THINGS I CAN'T HAVE THINGS I CAN'T HAVE LIKE FUCKING WOMEN WHO AREN'T MY WIFE WHILE SINGING ABOUT IT LIKE IT'S A SWEET BALLAD! SEAN HAYES Boss, here is Kristin Chenoweth's mirror, in pieces, that I am returning to you. I have it neatly and OCD-ly placed in a plastic bag. THE BOSS That can be funny... are you going to take them out neatly one at a time, like the sort of character who would be obsessed with Purell if this were a modern play? SEAN HAYES No, Imma just gonna dump it on your desk. Then I'll say a funny line to end the scene for the dozenth time, and we'll cut it with music so the audience wouldn't even laugh if the joke was funny. THE BOSS Jesus Sean. I saw you in Damn Yankees at Encores. You were good in that. Great even! How the hell are you missing 4 out of 5 jokes like this? DIRECTOR/CHOREOGRAPHER ROB ASHFORD Sorry, did somebody just call for a choreographer who thinks he's a director? THE BOSS Ah. AUDIENCE PLEASE DEAR GOD MAKE SOMETHING *HAPPEN*. SCENE: AN OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY THAT TAKES PLACE ENTIRELY ON THE STAIRS, JUST LIKE THE ONES YOUR OFFICE THROWS. THE BOSS It's the 1960s, which means this is a musical where, as part of the plot, some characters have to put on a musical number within a musical. TURKEY LURKEY TIME (is sung) (exists) (too much turkey, not enough lurkey) SCENE: THE ONE WITH KATIE FINNERAN SEAN HAYES I'm drinking my troubles away. I'm kind of okay at being drunk. BUT LOOK HOW GOOD I CAN BE AT BEING STRAIGHT! KATIE FINNERAN I'm the girl you meet while drunk at the bar. My jokes are rendered funny. My character is entertaining. My lines come off better than they're written. I'm doing this little thing called MY JOB. SCENE: IS THIS SERIOUSLY THE FIRST TIME WE'RE SEEING SEAN HAYES' APARTMENT (INSIDE WHICH EVERYBODY IN THE MUSICAL KEEPS GETTING THEIR JOLLIES)? THE BOSS Kristin? KRISTIN CHENOWETH Yes, sorry, I was just busy having a nice post-sex cry. THE BOSS I enjoyed watching you cry during this night together, but I'm going to have to leave you alone for tomorrow. KRISTIN CHENOWETH What? But tomorrow's Christmas Day! THE BOSS I have to spend it with my wife and family. KRISTIN CHENOWETH But you just spent Christmas *Eve* with m-- THE BOSS (exiting) Shh. Since I didn't give you a Christmas Gift but still had sex with you, here, here's $100.00 cash. SASSY BLACK WOMEN THAT BOOKWRITER NEIL SIMON APPARENTLY ASSUMED WOULD BE IN THE AUDIENCE OR ELSE HE WOULDN'T HAVE WRITTEN A LINE LIKE THAT Oh no she di-n't! KRISTIN CHENOWETH Now I'm conflicted. Not in the way where I'm weighing choices, more in the way that when I sing I love you, but when I talk I sound like a terribly grumpy unhappy downer of a person that you'd figure nobody would want to date. She sings "Say A Little Prayer For You" over and over. This drives her crazy, so she takes enough sleeping pills to kill herself. SEAN HAYES (entering) Oh no, Kristin Chenoweth is in my bed! It's a good thing that I'm suddenly entirely uninterested in her, not in the slightest, and so this turn of events doesn't hurt my feelings at all. KATIE FINNERAN It's because you're drunk. SEAN HAYES Oh, did I forget to continue to act drunk from the last scene into this one? Katie Finneran exits, and gets her damned applause, thank you very much. The Jewishly-toned-down Doctor from next door enters. OLD DOCTOR GUY Sean Hayes, I think you should stop having sex with so many women. I will say this in thirty configurations over the course of act two. SEAN HAYES And I will do my duty to not make any attempts to defend myself nor correct your opinion of me. Not even by unsuccessfully stammering. That would be dorky/nebbishy/ nerdy/pathetic! Doctor and Sean Hayes nurse Kristin Chenoweth back to health from her SUICIDE ATTEMPT. SUICIDE AND ROMANTIC MUSICAL COMEDY (go great together!) SEAN HAYES (sings) A CHAIR IS STILL A CHAIR EVEN WHEN THERE'S NO ONE SITTING THERE A HOUSE IS NOT A HOME WHEN THERE'S NO ONE THERE TO HOLD YOU TIGHT A PLOT IS NOT A PLOT WHEN IT DOESN'T MOVE BECAUSE WE'RE JUST HANGING OUT ON THE COUCH FOR FIFTEEN MINUTES. More time passes. OLD DOCTOR GUY Hey, can I sing a song? SEAN HAYES Sure! Choose from anything Burt Bacharach wrote-- OLD DOCTOR GUY That's great! He has written LOTS of good songs over the-- SEAN HAYES --that's already in this play, that isn't one of the ~2 good ones. We can't interpolate anything new for you. OLD DOCTOR GUY Man do I miss being in Hairspray. SCENE: CHINESE RESTAURANT. SEAN HAYES Boss, I've come to tell you a statement I worked very hard at over and over on the way here, which is this: you don't have to worry about Kristin Chenoweth interfering with your marriage, she'll date me now. THE BOSS Nah, Imma gonna date her now. SEAN HAYES In that case, I would like to casually mention that I quit. ACTUALLY TRUE: A pause for audience to clap because everybody loves a good quitting story! AUDIENCE (ACTUALLY TRUE: doesn't clap!) SEAN HAYES Oh man, that's not a good sign. Scene soon ends. AUDIENCE (ACTUALLY TRUE: claps) SEAN HAYES Jesus. SCENE: BACK IN THE APARTMENT. SEAN HAYES (to audience) Our story is winding down. You've been very patient. (pauses) Shit, is that a real line in the play? "You've been very patient"? Do I actually say that to the audience in the actual play? KRISTIN CHENOWETH Oh Sean Hayes, whom I will defend to the death about being very, very straight when acting, I left The Boss character, and decided to come to you instead! SEAN HAYES Hooray, I have no job but I got the girl and we'll be happy forever after! KRISTIN CHENOWETH Well, until you realize that I just got out of a horrible four-year I-was-the-mistress relationship which made me suicidal. SEAN HAYES What? KRISTIN CHENOWETH Come on, if anybody thinks you're anything but a rebound relationship for me, they must be a tourist. TOURISTS THAT WERE HAPPILY CATERED TO TONIGHT YAY! Now somebody produce M. Butterfly with Tim Allen and Frankie Muniz! Theater is amazing! BLACKOUT.

Things You Learn While Researching The FringeNYC Show You Just Saw

2010-08-23T04:35:40Z

In 1864, John Wilkes Booth and his two brothers made their only onstage appearance together in a benefit performance of Julius Caesar at the Winter Garden Theater to raise the funds to erect the statue of Shakespeare in Central Park that you can still see to this day.

So every time you see that Shakespeare statue--and yes, it's the one you're thinking you remember seeing at some point or another--just remember. LINCOLN WAS SHOT so you could have that statue.

Or. Something.

FRINGENYC: Julius Caesar: The Death of a Dictator

2010-08-23T04:17:16Z

                                  JULIUS CAESAR
            Hi there.  I'm both a well-known dictator and a 
            pretty boring play.


                                  ORSON WELLES
            What if I were to cut you down.


                                  JULIUS CAESAR
            WITH KNIVES?!?  I HAVE A THING ABOUT KNIVES!


                                  ORSON WELLES
            No, in length.  Down to 75 minutes.


                                  JULIUS CAESAR
            I would still be boring, but for much less time!


                                  FRINGENYC
            Damn.

My experience with Julius Caesar until now has been thus: In 7th grade, it was the first Shakespearean play I was taught because it was supposedly the easiest to understand. Then again in 9th grade, it was taught under the assumption that we *must* have all learned Romeo and Juliet in middle school, and so Julius Caesar would be an easy to understand follow-up. In both instances I came to the conclusion that Julius Caesar, while "easy to understand", was a rather uneventful play. Years later when I began to love Shakespeare I decided that there had to be something on the stage that didn't translate for me on the page, and if I ever had the chance to see a lauded production of the play I would make every effort to attend. I'm sorry to say that The Gangbuster's Theatre Company's "Julius Caesar: The Death of a Dictator" is not the production that is going to change my mind about the play.

What Director Lon Shanglebee has cleverly chosen to do is use Orson Welles' 100 minute adaptation, which eliminates several characters and drastically cuts down most of the events after Caesar dies, i.e. the entirety of Acts 4 and 5 are essentially boiled down to ~1 scene. While this allows for a Julius Caesar that fits more clearly with Gangbuster Theatre Company's motto of "Speed and Violence", it seems to be unaware of the fact that Welles' famous production was effective because it dressed the protagonists in Nazi and Facist Italy uniforms, drawing parallels between Caesar and Mussolini (which makes sense as the year of the production was 1937, and by the way, thanks Wikipedia).

Without any sort of deeper Welles-eque undercurrent in Gangbuster's production, all we see is a cast dressed in black, conspiring to kill someone we know very little about. Then watch him be killed. And watch the killers kill themselves. And all the time we don't feel sympathetic to the killed nor the killers because we don't really know who they are or what they really stand for. The director hasn't even seemed to really take a stand on whose side we should be on, which contributes to the blandness. Very little runs deep, and the fault is not of the fine actors. This is one of many Shakespearean productions that feels a need to push into an "updated" (Punk here) setting by dressing their actors in something "updated", but meanwhile does not make any sort of effort in updating who the characters are, layering new notions onto the story, or finding new meanings in Shakespeare's timeless text. Even the inclusion of Metallica songs seemed less to bring some new light to the play and more to bring recognizable words to the Fringe booklet listing.

Julius Caesar: The Death of a Dictator
The Gangbusters Theatre Company
http://www.fringenyc.org/basic_page.php?ltr=J
www.gangbusterstheatre.com
VENUE #17: HERE Arts Center- Mainstage Theater
Sat 14 @ 7* Sun 15 @ 1:45 Tue 17 @ 10 Fri 20 @ 4:15 Sun 22 @ 5:15

FRINGENYC: Hamlet Shut Up

2010-08-21T04:08:39Z

                                   HAMLET
            ...


                                   OPHELIA
            ...


                                   GERTRUDE
            ...


                                   CLAUDIUS
            ...


                                   And then everybody dies.

Hamlet Shut Up is perhaps the best FringeNYC comedy I have ever had the extreme pleasure of attending. The notion is simple: you know Hamlet well enough to be able to understand it with zero dialogue, right? So why bother with Shakespeare's tedious poetry when it simply keeps Hamlet from being the tight, satirical, hysterical laugh fest Shakespeare probably never (but apparently very much should have) intended?

Armed with a piano player who is adept at sliding from Chaplin-esque pieces to Unchained Melody to the Theme From Jaws, Director Jonas Oppenheim and the Sacred Fools Theater Company of Los Angeles fast track it through a version of Shakespeare's masterpiece where Ophelia needs an exorcism, giant sharks attack on land, Poor Yorick is a master juggler, and a hiding Polonius is given away due to a particularly annoying cellphone ring.

Not to make HAMLET SHUT UP sound like it is simply full of random jokes however; the show takes a cue from silent theater while shoving in enough hysterical moments to easily fill 90 minutes without even for a moment sagging or rehashing already-treaded ground. At least a few times through the play I laughed out loud in amazement, shock, and genuine concern for the twisted things this group was able to devise. From the moment Hamlet finds a dirty, smelly fish in a bucket labeled "Denmark" to the final appearance of the land-walking shark, you're sure to enjoy Hamlet Shut Up.

VENUE #5: The First Floor Theatre @ LA MAMA
Sat 14 @ 8:30 Mon 16 @ 2:30 Wed 18 @ 9:45 Fri 20 @ 8:15 Sat 21 @ 2:30
http://www.hamletshutup.com/
http://www.fringenyc.org/basic_page.php?ltr=H

South Pacific Reminder

2010-08-20T13:58:21Z

Just a reminder: if you hadn't seen South Pacific before this Wednesday's Live from Lincoln Center broadcast, you might now enjoy South Pacific Abridged more.

That is all.

FRINGENYC: Richard 3

2010-08-20T02:42:24Z

                                   KING RICHARD III
            I am goth!  Look at my eye makeup!


                                   ELIZABETH
            I am also goth!  Look at everybody die!


                                   EVERYBODY
            When World War 3 is over, anybody who doesn't die will be
            Goth!


                                   CAST OF AMERICAN IDIOT
            We'd complain that you stole our "thing", but you sing better
            than us.

It's been said that there are two types of Shakespearean productions: those that are performed by actors who understand the fiber of every word they say with a sense of truth and understanding, and those which are performed by actors who might convey the general jist of the line, instead depending on the overarching concept of the production to carry it home. Director James Presson's solid and compelling production of RICHARD 3 at FringeNYC accomplishes the first fantastically, but occasionally falters at the second.

The premise (as told to me by the program but not so much by the show itself) is that a post-apocalyptic Britain has left behind a world run by punk rockers donned in some impressive mood-evoking costumes by Marissa Parkes. Jake Ahlquist centers the production with a maniacally-demented King Richard as if he were played by a younger Jim Carrey (or as my fringemate said, Heath Ledger-as-the-Joker-as-Richard, complete with the eye makeup). The cast is uniformly excellent, with Rachel Buethe's Elizabeth being a particularly moving standout. Where the production suffers is in the premise; I found that the use of punk songs often stopped the play's momentum. And yet the inclusion of an onstage band made the music-less portions seem to feel even slower without bits to break up the slower first act. I probably felt this way because of the intermission-less two hour running time, but I'm going to give the cast and crew the benefit of the doubt that the show was originally conceived with an intermission that they were forced to remove because of time constraints.

Regardless, this is more polished and solid a production than most Fringe I've seen, and by the second half I was rooting for the blood, Cory Asinofsky's effective fight choreography, and Mike Fabano's very catchy finale music. It is rare to find a Fringe production of Shakespeare that shows that Shakespeare is more than just "something we can perform for free", and RICHARD 3 is just that rarity.

Richard 3 plays as part of the 2010 New York International Fringe Festival.
SAT 8/14 @ 2:45; SUN 8/15 @ 8:30; WED 8/18 @ 1:45; THUR 8/19 @ 4:30; FRI 8/20 @ 9:15 VENUE #7: The Ellen Stewart Theatre @ LA MAMA
Based on the play by William Shakespeare. Adapted and Directed by James Presson
Purchase tickets at http://www.fringenyc.org/
More information at http://lessthanrentproductions.com/

FRINGENYC 2010

2010-08-18T12:40:19Z

For the past year and a half I have been closely involved with steering the Independent Theater Bloggers Association, or ITBA, which is a group of 50 bloggers who are all into seeing theater of Broadway, Off-Broadway, Off-Off-Broadway, and non-NYC-centric persuasions. This year, a group of us are taking a shot at, collectively, becoming among the top 5 groups to see a whole lot of FringeNYC. Time Out New York grabs every staff member and intern they can get each August to take a stab at reviewing every FringeNYC show out there, and NYTheatre.com has historically undertook the same task.

For the first year of our "Fringe Push", we're not intending on aiming to see every single Fringe Show, but collectively we've signed up to see 70-some-odd shows of the 200. In memory of our dear departed and sorely-missed Blogger friend Patrick Lee, who was the original one to get the Fringe Push started, we'll be posting on our own blogs as well as cross-posting/linking on Show Showdown, which as of the moment already has 9 reviews up.

I myself have signed up for six; they were chosen partially based on my interests (comedy, sci-fi, Shakespeare, musicals) and mostly based on what friends have chosen. Since festival shows are a crapshoot, I figured that letting them pick was as good a method at finding the diamonds as any.

I'll be seeing about as many NYMF shows this year; so far I've signed up for Without You and Fellowship!, and I'm waiting for the cast lists before I choose some others.

It's like walking into an alternate breakfast pastry filled universe.

2010-08-11T20:35:42Z

That Pop Tarts store in New York that I was talking about? The AP brings us on a little tour.

Watch for the Pop Tarts Sushi, which looks exactly what sushi would look like if designed by Pop Tarts' average user base.

On the Importance of Tradition

2010-08-10T19:59:50Z

My wife and I have a recent tradition, and it's this: every year, on our dating anniversary in December, we go see the biggest, most overblown, can't-possibly-be-good Broadway musical we could find.

In 2007 it was the vomit-inducing Little Mermaid.
In 2008 it was that highbrow piece of theater, Shrek.
2009 was Little Night Music. Okay, fine, Sondheim usually isn't overblown in the Mermaid/Shrek way. But Phantom II didn't open in time like they had at one point said it would, and the whole Catherine Zeta Jones thing seemed overblown enough in of itself. Shame I was proven wrong when she won the tony, and everybody in the entire world agreed that she was the best actress ever forever ever.

Well, I happened on a piece of news today that made me sling for joy:

Tuesday, Dec. 21 Opening Date Set
for ‘Spider-Man’ Musical

THIS IS GOING TO BE THE BEST DATING ANNIVERSARY EVER.

A Pop Tarts Store in Times Square?

2010-08-09T15:38:47Z

Again, this is real life:

The store will put on a brief light show every hour. First, visitors will “get frosted,” Mr. Schoessel said, with a red light and a white light. That will be followed by brief pulses of light, “all different colors to mimic the sprinkles,” he said, “then another really bright light” to evoke wrapping the tarts in foil.

I'm going to come right out and say it: I'm all for this fancification of Times Square. Someplace needs to have this sort of ridiculousness, and Vegas is too far away.

A trip to Hershey Park last week reminded me how disappointed I was when the Hershey store opened in Times Square some years back. I expected it to have a Hershey's Chocolate World ride.

Now I'm sorta curious whose family that is. Not enough to consider taking the photo down...